Open Heart

Even in the darkest moments of our life,
God's light shines to guide our path.

Last Night, the full moon was engulfed in Darkness. Its light could not light the earth or my being. As Darkness consumed my heart, in a matter of seconds, the light within me dimmed with sadness and many unfamiliar feelings. One comes to think that happiness will never be found in the cloudy, depth of this cold world. Just for a while—just a while—that’s what we all think. It has been instilled in our minds that no such divine light (“Love” and “Happiness”) can shine upon us, in us forever.

Why not? Merely because the world has been consumed by selfishness, should we as well?

Of course not, but we are all gullible. All of us trying to figure out who we are, our purpose for being, trying to find answer, trying to find Love, and happiness; that is what we seek always. The reason why we’ve become selfish, we seek and seek constantly for our own interest. Nothing is ever being good enough to satisfy us. Why never good enough?

In reality, we don’t seek with an open heart; we never let it sink inside of us, our soul, and our whole entire being. Hence, why happiness had become temporary and why love has been difficult to find. Yes, I know God loves me, and I dearly and truly love him, yet I haven’t completely sought him with my heart. We all fear loneliness, love and being truly happy forever no matter what happens. There is no fear in love. I’ve sought love, happiness and the escape of loneliness, but my not-completely-open heart did not let my discovery of perfect love sink in and embed itself within my being. So the true no-matter-what-happens happiness couldn’t stay. Love can’t be found yet; loneliness still has some crumbs leftover deep inside.

Yes, we seek with half-open heart. Yes, we seek with fear. Then how are we supposed to find anything. Let your heart be completely open and be rid of all fear, seeking justly, honestly, and fearless. Only then can we truly discover love filling the voids inside our soul and whole essence. No wonder God couldn’t change me to a better person, or bring my true love next to me; no wonder I couldn’t feel any sense of love and acceptance because I sought only with fear, and I didn’t seek completely for him; I didn’t seek openly; I didn’t seek to discover myself, with not fear, but love: God’s love.

I sought now, and I have found. God’s love pulls me forward to continue living because no matter what happens happiness is here; love is here and still more love is to be found; my whole essence is filled with love, hope, and Faith. Seek and thou shall find. Amen.

You

My Love for you is indescribable; there are not enough words to say it. It’s a burning passion inside me, eager to get out. A gift of hope that your spirit has given me. It fills me and reveals your beauty. Oh such beauty as a sunrise, as the evening sky with the stars shining bright, and the full moon lighten up the sky. A sense of peace overcomes me; you are walking by my side and skipping on the stars and riding in the clouds. When I was lost, you found and freed me from the grasp of the darkness. You showed me the light, the truth, and the life. You. In gratitude, I give my life to you. In love, I give myself to you, my lord. Words may not describe my love, but my actions will prove my love. You expressed your love to me when you hung from the cross. I will show the world how much I love you. You filled the emptiness in my heart, and my heart belongs to you father and to no one else. Now I’m the light in the darkness, the light in the world that belongs to you, only you.

In the darkness I lived, but in you, I found light. You heard my cry in the darkness, and brought out to light. As my heart ached, you healed every last pain. You give me faith that I can move mountains. That I can actually keep going and might I stumble, you’ll raise me up through all the thunder, through the storm. You calm the trembling sea. You carry me when I’m in too deep. Your mercy is never ending nor is your grace. I hold onto you lord, so that one day I may see your glorious face. Praise be to your name.

Serenity is found in you!

Why?

Why? Why am I still waiting?

It’s the gentle rain that is needed during a hot, arid day.

Desire, Curiosity, WANT!

Why? Why do I still wait?

I don’t know… Even though I’ve had a glimpse of my future, I know the pain, hurt, and heartache was to be expected.

Why? Why do we all wait?

It’s the ungettable get; in actuality, it’s the get you should really not want to get, so why do we want it? Why?

There’s only some good things to be expected, perhaps some good memories. But in reality, what is the point of all those good memories when they are overcome later by the pain?

The pain from that one we desire.

Our desire ends up consuming hope that was formed for that desire.

So what is the point? Why do we wait?

It’s the desire to fall in love that we waste our great qualities, compassion, greatness, being, and love on that one who causes us pain.

That who is unreachable to us, and we desire to reach them,to obtain them because although we might truly obtain them, we don’t.

We become a pawn in their game. We are not appreciated and are only the backup for their fear of being alone.

It’s that fear and their ego that keeps them blind to the treasure that is in front of them. The ungettable get can’t even get themselves.

How sad.

How sad that we still wait for it.

Why do we still wait?

Because we hope they’ll change and be unblinded by the divine light of God so they can see the treasure of True Love in front of them.

That love that is from you and me.

Why? Why do we still wait?

Trees never try to rush their growth and just like they patiently wait to reach their purpose and goal in life so should we.

Dream

For years she had waited for him to tell her those passionate feelings he had for her. She could still recall the first time their lips met under the cold rain. How the moon was shining brightly lighting her lover's face. There were a thousand sparkles in the sky but somehow

God's tears kept pouring upon them in their moment of unity, in their moment of blissful love. Although she had wanted and waited for this truth to be revealed, her heart had already healed; she was in love, not with him but with the man she had always waited to come and free her, to take away her pain. He had confessed that he had always loved her but his fear stalled him, and he knew he had lost the best thing he ever had.

Although she was already numb to him, she still somehow quivered with fear that if they’d let the past back she'd lose her future. "I don't love you anymore. I suffered greatly when you broke my heart but God blessed me with the man I love now. Just because you realize what you lost doesn't mean you can gain it back. Sometimes you lose it for good and that's why I told you to not be afraid to love." As she told him this, memories flooded her mind. She felt like she was there once again with him filled with the joy of finding love, holding hands, and feeling the flapping butterflies within her. "I know," he says and she snapped out of that false reality she lived. "Everyday I thought about you. I heard your voice. I knew I loved you but I chose not to be with you. I chose to push you away but I didn't see I pushed my whole life away."

As he expressed this, she remembered how she used to pray to God to reveal if he ever truly loved her. The pain of living part of her life a lie would now cease. She couldn't comprehend that attachment she once had to him, and she stood there in silence, praying in her mind—"Lord free me from temptation and reveal the meaning of this situation. Why did I go through this?"

"I love you," he said, it echoed through her mind bring back all the time he had said it when they were young. Could he be lying again? He would lie all the time, why not again? He can be playing with her once more. The image she had of him remained the same throughout all these years. The pain he caused erased the love she had for him. "I'm sorry but my feelings for you died with the past, and I no longer wish to be with you. I am in love with a man who truly loves me, and he is not afraid; he is honest and a man of God.

Everything she ever wanted and more, everything I had been waiting for all her life. “Everything you are not, he is. He is worthy of me and my love, and you are wrong for me. I am done with you. I am not the one for you. I have never been."

A sense of relieve overcame her, but she felt pity for towards him. Why? She can't explain it, but her past;

God gave and brought a new her with confidence, peace, and love. She knew that he wasn't the one for her although she had loved and cared for him deeply. The tears quickly dried up, the pain slowly ceased but as she opened my eyes to see his face she realize it was all a dream.

In our deepest slumber, we sore through our wants, needs, and desire, living in our dreams where everything is possible.--Claudette

Every Night

Every night, I think about leaving you.

Every night, I question if I should stay by your side.

Every night, I wonder why God placed you in my life.

Every night, I cry as I hope and dread to leave you.

Every night, I wish to hug you so my love could change your heart.

Every night, God knows I call to him for your sake and place myself last.

Every night, my wounds reopen, and I wonder why I suffer so.

Every night, I know one day you'll leave because you don't love me at all.

Every night, your selfishness consumes me as I give you more and more of me.

Every night, I wish you could feel my pain so you'll have mercy and leave.

Every night, I hope you learn to love so you'll stop being selfish and give.

Every night I shed a tear, I remember God will wipe them away.

Every night, I hope that one day you'll love, smile, and be happy.

Every night, God hears my prayer for you, and I hope you open your heart to love and selfless be.

Every night, I keep loving you, so that one day you can love too, without wounding my love for you.

Every night, I wait and wait, but I don't know what will be of me and you.

Every night, perhaps one day, I'll see the sun and the night shall be no more.

Mere Thought

I'm not even like the wind that can graze your face nor a ghost that can give you chills. I was never there for you to embrace. I am just words you read and a voice you hear. You saw me in pictures that appear real, but none about them placed me near. No touch. No smell. You'd barely hear my voice calling your name, even a ghost can be one with you since I'm so far away. Will I be a memory that will fade away? Was I a dream to you? A dream turned into nightmare that you fled. How fast will you forget my voice? How long till you erase my pictures from your phone? The image you had of me in your mind, how distorted have I become? How long will I last in your mind? That's all I am, A thought. You cut yourself on the edges of your thoughts. How soon will I fade? As quick as I faded in your heart? Knowing that I'm not in your heart, where all memories are stored and treasured, I know I'll fade quick and am probably already gone. I am no more. Even the wind can touch your face, but I hoped that one day, this mere thought, could have embraced. A thought. That's all I am. Have I faded already? Was it quick? Was it painless? to be rid of a thought, a mere thought.

Choices

Choices. They are probably the one thing I dread most about life. One choice, just one, can change your whole life. This sets my heart afloat, beating rapidly as it where running, eager to escape through my very flesh. My soul quivers in fear and a gloomy cloud sets over my head. It knows a choice must be made. Conflicted. Yes, that is all there is within my mind, heart, and soul--conflict. A choice has to be made. It must. Yet, what is the right choice? How can you choose between two things that mean the most to you? How? How? A decision, a choice, that brings me to tears. Most of the time, choices may be simple: What to eat for lunch? fast food or home cooked? or other trivial questions. However, what happens when it is something more life defining? Lose your job to do an internship? Or keep your job and no internship, possibly later? That would be mine. But what about yours? Study this subject to be this and earn good money? Or do what I love with less money at hand? Support my parents and put myself last? Or try to do what is best for me, study, and then help my parents with a little bit? Date this person or that one? Wait for marriage or not? Go to this college or that one? This or that. Always this or that. Which one is right? Which one? Which one! It is so frustrating. It is more quarrelsome when both choice seems right. My heart feels torn. My soul weeps, which is clear as each teardrop rolls down my cheek. My mind is clouded. What choice do I make? What do I do? My mind cannot help to wander. I am overpowered with negative emotions: anger, sadness, loneliness, even foolishness. How did I think it was all going to work itself out? Do I make my choice based on faith? based on logic? rationality? on what? It reminds me of God. He had to chose between two things he loves, cares for, and cherishes: You and me, us--humanity, and his son--Jesus Christ. Two he loves, yet one choose. Which to save? Yet, he chose us. At times, I do not believe we were the right choice. We are liars, deceivers, envious, adulterers, fornicators, sexually immoral, and the list goes on and on. We are sinners. Even though we are, God choose us. Why? How did he know he was choosing right? I do not think he choose correctly. Yet again, I am not God. He is all knowing, all powerful, all present, and all loving. God choose what he loves most even though it would cost him something/someone else he loves as well. He made a choice. He knew at the end that it was right. I suppose you think, or even I think, I am not God to know what is right. You are right. You are not God. But you do have one thing. You have the ability to be able to communicate with God to ask him for guidance on the right choice. That is why Jesus Christ died. Yes, at times we do not feel we have an answer, but if we seek God, we are closer to it than before. Two choices before me. How will I choose? I will based my choices on rationality, logical, faith, and mostly importantly, on God's guidance. If I follow God, then I will choose according to His will. If God always knows what is right, then that means I am in the right path and to a good direction in my life. God bless you.

<3 Claudy