Choices. They are probably the one thing I dread most about life. One choice, just one, can change your whole life. This sets my heart afloat, beating rapidly as it where running, eager to escape through my very flesh. My soul quivers in fear and a gloomy cloud sets over my head. It knows a choice must be made. Conflicted. Yes, that is all there is within my mind, heart, and soul--conflict. A choice has to be made. It must. Yet, what is the right choice? How can you choose between two things that mean the most to you? How? How? A decision, a choice, that brings me to tears. Most of the time, choices may be simple: What to eat for lunch? fast food or home cooked? or other trivial questions. However, what happens when it is something more life defining? Lose your job to do an internship? Or keep your job and no internship, possibly later? That would be mine. But what about yours? Study this subject to be this and earn good money? Or do what I love with less money at hand? Support my parents and put myself last? Or try to do what is best for me, study, and then help my parents with a little bit? Date this person or that one? Wait for marriage or not? Go to this college or that one? This or that. Always this or that. Which one is right? Which one? Which one! It is so frustrating. It is more quarrelsome when both choice seems right. My heart feels torn. My soul weeps, which is clear as each teardrop rolls down my cheek. My mind is clouded. What choice do I make? What do I do? My mind cannot help to wander. I am overpowered with negative emotions: anger, sadness, loneliness, even foolishness. How did I think it was all going to work itself out? Do I make my choice based on faith? based on logic? rationality? on what? It reminds me of God. He had to chose between two things he loves, cares for, and cherishes: You and me, us--humanity, and his son--Jesus Christ. Two he loves, yet one choose. Which to save? Yet, he chose us. At times, I do not believe we were the right choice. We are liars, deceivers, envious, adulterers, fornicators, sexually immoral, and the list goes on and on. We are sinners. Even though we are, God choose us. Why? How did he know he was choosing right? I do not think he choose correctly. Yet again, I am not God. He is all knowing, all powerful, all present, and all loving. God choose what he loves most even though it would cost him something/someone else he loves as well. He made a choice. He knew at the end that it was right. I suppose you think, or even I think, I am not God to know what is right. You are right. You are not God. But you do have one thing. You have the ability to be able to communicate with God to ask him for guidance on the right choice. That is why Jesus Christ died. Yes, at times we do not feel we have an answer, but if we seek God, we are closer to it than before. Two choices before me. How will I choose? I will based my choices on rationality, logical, faith, and mostly importantly, on God's guidance. If I follow God, then I will choose according to His will. If God always knows what is right, then that means I am in the right path and to a good direction in my life. God bless you.
<3 Claudy
